I'm back!

OK. I'm back. Little baby G seems to have a schedule the last couple of months -- and I had acutally lost my password to the blog, so I had some work to do before I could sit down and update everyone on what's going on.
Pretty much the thing is that Grace is getting really big! She's nearly 10 months old and she crawls around and climbs up onto furniture and she's got SUCH a little personality. She's so cute and sweet and silly. She's got quite a sense of humor so far and it's so neat to see that come out.
I left her overnight for the first time in October. My former roommate from college called and he asked if I wanted to go to Key West, Fla. for a few days. His aunt had a condo for a week and wasn't going to be there the entire time -- so he asked if I wanted to join him. Mmmhmm. Yes, I did. It was tough convincing my husband that I should be able to go to Florida. I had never been to Florida before and it was a BLAST! I ended up crying only once, but I missed baby G and Jason oh so much. Richard and I had a good time, we went parasailing and jet-skiing and even got henna tattoos. We hung out in South Beach near Miami the last night we were in Florida, and that was a fun time, too. It was a great experience and I totally recommend having key lime pie in the keys. It was really good.
Otherwise, my sister and I are starting a marketing business - she'll be based in Hudson, Wis. and I'll be here in Duluth. It'll be good -- we're just getting some clients now, but we've got a lot of great ideas. It's tough to find time to get a lot of that done these days, but after 8pm, there's usually a few minutes to spare!

what the??? 12 weeks gone already?

Talk about a blur. The last 12 weeks have flown by - and I'm not looking forward to returning to work next Tuesday. Boo hiss. I'm sad about it. Sad in a way I've never felt before because I'm leaving this tiny person who is totally dependent on me for food, love, cuddling, burping, changing and so on. I'm leaving her for office politics, chats at the watercooler, demanding publishers and sometimes-crabby coworkers. The babe will end up with a daycare provider who gets to see her all day - has to feed her via bottle and divides her time among the other daycare kids at her home. So who's going to see every little smile, the way the dimples sometimes show up when she smiles really big. Will she laugh for the first time at daycare? Will the daycare lady know that after the babe eats, she likes to stand up (with help) and smile at you - and occasionally foo foo or poop? Then you get a big smile! I know these things. Me. And I'm not going to be there.
I'm tearing up even typing this. It's the strangest thing. So I never really knew I'd be cut out for this mommy stuff. But I love it. I love the little bubbles she makes with her mouth and how they sometimes grow into big bubbles and slide down her chin. I love how she is just starting to clasp her hands together and how cute it looks. And now she's learning to bat at toys hanging above her - and how she reaches out with her pudgy little hand to grab my shirt when I'm feeding her. When I'M feeding her. Daycare lady said to bring the babe to her early on Tuesday. Dear Hubby will be there with me - he'll probably have to drag me from her home kicking & screaming. I'll show up early and have to hand my little creature over to someone I've met only twice - and trust that she will do a good job. That sucks. What if I miss something? I WILL miss something! Wow. I had no idea how hard this would be. Now I knew this day would come - but how the hell did it come so fast?
People say - oh, you'll like going back to work. Or, it'll be good for you. Yea. FU. I might like to go back to work a couple hours a day - but my little peapod will be smiling at someone else for 9 hours a day! I'll have her at home in the evenings, but that's not enough.
I love how she smiles up at me from her crib - and kicks her legs excitedly when I talk to her. So how weird is this: I want the daycare lady to do a good job - great job even. But I don't want the babe to smile at her like she does to me. But I want her to smile because that means the babe is happy. Oh, how contradictory. This really bites.
Hoping my feelings change - but when a baby has so many changes in a year - and I'll be at work for a majority of her wakeful hours - I can't help but feel regret at leaving my tiny babe with a stranger.
*sigh*

The cutest baby ever!

OK. I've got a cute kid. I know I'm biased - but seriously - she's gorgeous. Gerber cute even. My little 12 pound princess! Today was Easter and baby G wore a stunning party dress. It was white with pink flowers. She had matching bloomers, white tights and a pretty white sweater. She also wore a pink bonnet with a bow. Now that she's smiling huge smiles and showing off her sometimes-there dimples, she's just so much fun! I hate that in the next few weeks I'll be going back to work. I'm just not sure how I'll be able to do that. Besides the getting up at a certain time every day and getting us both ready and out the door and dropped off to daycare and then getting me to work all by 8 a.m. Should be interesting... I'm not looking forward to it. She's just getting to be so pudgy and sweet and cute. We coo and gurgle back and forth to each other, we look deep into each other's eyes and smile big smiles. It's wonderful and it nearly brought tears to my eyes when tonight I kept making my lips the shape of an 0 and saying whooo (like an owl) very softly to her. After a few minutes of her studying my mouth - she put her lips into an 0 and said whooo right back to me! I was so excited! We went back and forth several times before I had to run to the other room with her and show everyone else. But, alas, it was like Michigan J. Frog... she only performed for me. It was real and it was wonderful! So this is the kind of stuff I can't bear to think I'm missing while I'll be at work. Lucky daycare lady.
Anyway, here's a picture of me and my little darling on her first Easter Sunday.

Mommydom

Here we are - we're already 1/4 of the way through 2006! Hard to belive, huh?
I'm a very exciting person these days... and you'd never know it because I've been too busy to post to my blog. Well, I'm a new mommy to the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen in my whole life. She's perfect and so so sweet. Her daddy and I love her so much.
Our little peapod joined the world on Feb 7th at 10:33 a.m.

Here's a little rundown of how labor and delivery went. *Warning* I'm going to be very descriptive... There may be some language here that you might not want to read....

OK here goes. I began having some mild contractions on the eve of Feb 6th after a rather bland dinner and then my husband went and got us each a DQ Blizzard. Yum. I had Heath. Seeing as how I was very uncomfortable and VERY pregnant... I was researching online ways to encourage labor. One of these ways was to have sex. That was the last thing on my mind right then, but I was willing to go for it if it meant having the baby sooner rather than later. My husband agreed to try this way of inducing labor. Apparently it worked. My contractions began getting stronger and stronger and I wasn't sleeping very well. At about 3 a.m. I told my husband that we should maybe start to time the contractions. He was out of it and told me he was sleeping. So I tried to time them but I kept dozing off. Then at 4:20 a.m. I awoke suddenly when I felt a gush of fluid - that's right - my water broke at home. So I panicked instantly and hit my hubby and told him that my water broke. He threw back the covers, jumped out of bed, flipped the light on and ran into the hallway yelling, "well let's go then!" He was running to get the suitcase and I was still stuck in bed trying to roll myself out! I yelled after him and asked if he could help me up at least. I called the hospital and told them we'd be on our way soon and asked if they thought I would have time for a shower, since I felt pretty gross at that point. They said sure. So I got into the shower, my husband is getting the bags in the car and trying to call his parents. I called my parents and my mom said, "Oh Anna, today is going to be your baby's birthday!" I thought that was pretty sweet.
My contractions were beginning to get stronger - and I started feeling like I had an upset stomach. I had a bad case of bad tummy at that point and spent a long time in the bathroom before we left for the hospital. In the car on the way, the contractions started getting really intense and more often. I had four big ones on the way. I thought I would just walk into the hospital - but I had hubby drive me right into the emergency doors and the staff ran out with a wheelchair. They asked what was going on and I said, "I'm in labor!" They wheeled me to the delivery floor and I changed into a gown. The resident checked me and said I was already at 5.5 cm! They asked what kind of pain relief options I was thinking of and I said I wanted the epidural. They drew some blood to check on some things before they called the anesthesiologist, and then started an IV. So I never really thought of what might happen if I couldn't get the epidural. You see, there was an open heart surgery that morning and an emergency c-section. So the anesthesiologists were busy with those surgeries and didn't have time to come upstairs to give me my epidural. I couldn't believe it! I was in a great deal of pain and they finally got me a para-cervical block which dulled most of the pain for about an hour. By the time it wore off, they told me I was ready to push. I couldn't believe it because I started pushing at 8 a.m. Remember my bad tummy from earlier? Well, it continued on for some time while I was pushing. Eew. I was so embarrassed, I kept apologizing to the nurse.
I was also having very very painful back labor because the baby was facing sunny-side up and that causes contractions to be mostly felt in your lower back. Not fun. They had me pushing holding my own legs - but geez I'm tired here and I can't hold anything! So we tried on my side, and then with a bar that goes over the bed, and neither of those were really working. Then the nurse took a blanket and tied a knot in opposite corners and I had one knot and my husband or the nurse took turns hanging onto the other knot. She told me to play tug of war when the contraction came and pull on the knot and push at the same time. Well that made serious progress. We continued on like that until the doctor arrived - just a few minutes before delivery. The doctor decided I needed an episiotomy and shortly after that, and after some tugging with a suction device on the baby's head, she was born. They said without the episiotomy I would have had to push another 30 to 45 minutes and after 2 1/2 hours, they didn't know if I was strong enough to keep going. I don't know either!
Unfortunately, things went so quickly that my mom, who we asked to be in the room with us, was still in the waiting room. When she arrived, I was in the embarrassing part of labor (described above) and I just couldn't have her seeing me doing that. And I was in a great deal of pain. I was waiting for the epidural to be given so I would have some relief and then I would have been ok with her coming into the room. I had no idea the baby would be born so fast and I feel awful that she wasn't in the room with us. She was so disappointed and my sister told me later that my mom went out and bought all kinds of things to help me through labor and had them with her when she came to the hospital. I'm so sorry I refused to let her in when she got there -- my husband told me I was wrong to keep her out of the room, but it's the decision I made when I was in a ton of pain and not really thinking of the long-term. She missed it. Missed the birth of her first grandchild. I have such guilt about the decision. It was so awful to see how disappointed she was when my husband finally went out and told everyone what we had and then I was all taken care of and the 4 grandparents were asked to come into the room and see the little one. My dad was the first to hold her, then hubby's parents, and my mom wasn't even there! She had gone down to the gift shop because she felt so awful and bought me a beautiful little flower basket welcoming the little girl. I've cried quite a bit over the decision and just seeing her disappointment. Also overhearing my dad tell my sister that my mom felt cheated and was upset that it seemed that we didn't need her. It was truly awful on one of the best days of my life. I still get a little weepy when I talk about it.
She was able to help me out though the first time I went to nurse my baby girl. She was very helpful and maybe it helped.
Two months has passed now and I think we're OK now, but I'm sure it'll always be a part of that day.
Either way, we welcomed our little miracle. She's just precious. Got to run - she's crying!

Phew! Made it through Christmas

Well, we made it through Christmas relatively unscathed! Kidding! But seriously folks -- family time is so hard to schedule so that everyone can be there. With DH on the railroad and now his brother on the railroad, it was very difficult to schedule time to have gift opening and hot cider with his family. Nobody else on his side of the family were visiting for Christmas this year, so we just had to decide one night (Dec 22nd) that we would open presents and get together that day.
That was somewhat rushed and awkward, especially since my brother-in-law ran off to the bar afterward. He wouldn't do that on Xmas eve. Anyway, it was nice that all 5 of us could be together either way.
The highlight of my Christmas was that my brother is home on leave from Camp Shelby, Miss., where he's training for a March deployment to Iraq for about a year. It's been so nice to see him and it's been really great because we got some great family pictures of all of us together. Even though I'm 27 pounds heavier than I was this time last year -- I still like the photos!
So speaking of the bean... my sister thinks that I am ready to explode and that this baby will arrive in January rather than on or near our due date of Feb 9th. We'll see!
I got to spend some quality time in the hospital the other night with contractions coming every 3 minutes for a half hour. I was concerned about preterm labor so I went to the hospital and they did some tests that said I was definitely NOT in labor and I wouldn't be having the baby in the next 14 days. That was a relief. One, because I'm scared to death of labor and two, because we don't have a carseat or anything really to bring the baby home to! The crib is here and set up, there is a bare mattress in it. There is a changing table but no changing pad yet for it... our closet has been ripped apart and our closet doors have not yet arrived. So we've got some work to do, but people tell me that babies rarely make it convenient for you so I just HOPE to have the room really ready to go by the time the bean shows up!
So I'm not on bed rest or anything - which is good.
I'm getting really big and I think it's amazing that women can have babies like this. It's really been quite amazing to watch the transformation - and go from no tummy to a huge tummy and being able to see the baby moving around in there! It's been very cool. I'm now at the stage where my lower back is killing me all the time and I have a hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep. Every time I wake up to roll over, and move my 4 pillows with me, I end up having to get up to pee. It's just a hazard of the condition I guess. It's getting old though. Apparently it's my body preparing me to get up every 2 hours! I have to say that I'm not sure I'll ever get used to that. Hope this one sleeps through the night right away! Oh, to be so lucky!!
No, I'm pretty much uncomfortable most of the time now. I cannot stand wearing my maternity clothes anymore. Some of the outfits that USED to fit a few months ago are really restricting now and it's tough to try and be a cute pregnant lady when nothing cute fits anymore! I've got a short time left, so I know I can make it a little bit longer. Thank goodness I work somewhere that I can dress casually everyday! I would hate to have to dress up when I feel this way.
Have a fabulous New Year, here's to a great 2006!

Karate Kid

I am certain I'll be giving birth to a miniature karate kid. This baby is just over a pound and can deliver quite a punch to the gut. Or kick. I can't tell which for sure.
The wedding was great and my sister was a beeeeeauuutiful bride. I just looked like a bloated bridesmaid in a cinnamon dress. I'll post a photo next time. I thought it was strange when people on the groom's side of the family kept saying they couldn't tell which bridesmaid was pregnant. At first it sounded flattering - maybe because I thought I looked so svelte in the perfect a-line bridesmaid dress. But I did not. I was 5 months pregnant for crying out loud! Maybe they thought I was just out of shape or suffering from a horrible hernia. But nice to confirm for everyone that I am indeed pregnant during the speech/toat portion of the reception. I was sure to clear that up. The dress was to have pleats across the belly and mine had them, and all but the top two expanded over my belly the second the dress was zipped up. It was perfect. It fit well and was mostly comfy the whole night. I was relieved that the darn thing still fit after two weeks of thinking I would bust the zipper if I inhaled more than half way.
I've popped out more in the last two weeks and apparently my belly is now more obvious - which is good. I like that it's obvious that I'm pregnant. And it's fun to feel the karate kid doing its thing in there. Doing laps or using me as a punching bag, whatever. Baby must really like oranges and orange juice because I have to prepare from some tummy gymnastics if I have any.
I read JH's blog and laughed out loud about the wine & cheese party we attended earlier this week. Tis true - nobody (read: me) puked this time. It's a lot more tame when you're drinking sparkling grape juice and just eating cheese to eat cheese - not just to soak up the alcohol. I like it better from the flip side - but even pre pregnancy I couldn't have drank that much and been able to function the next day. That's the part about pushing 30 that really sucks. Both the endurance and the tolerance are gone.
I do miss good wine and a well-made vodka collins more than I ever thought I would. It was tougher in the summertime because it's just nice to come home after work and grab a beer from the fridge and walk around in the yard. Or just sit on the couch and drink beer during football season. Thank goodness for ODouls, but it's a sad substitute for the real thing. Hubby knows to bring champagne to the hospital, though. He has very specific instructions.

Babyfat

I'm in my sister's wedding on Saturday and I'm terrified that my bridesmaid dress will no longer fit. I've been packing on the baby weight (or it might just be the McDonald's...). The dress zipped up perfectly 3 weeks ago, but I've been getting bigger and bigger every week! I pick up the dress tomorrow... or not. Guess it depends on whether or not it fits.
I even have a pair of maternity pants that feel snug in the butt now. That's just wonderful. Like I don't spend enough $$ on these things and then they aren't going to last me the whole pregnancy? That's so not fair. I had a lady at "Hot Mama" in the twin cities tell me yesterday that these prego jeans for $175 were a great deal because at least they'd fit great. Sure, that would have been fine if they were the first and only pair of jeans I bought - but I've purchased 3 pair so far and combined they still wouldn't be more than $175! What a rip off. I thought wedding stuff was costly, but you buy one outfit and wear it one day. Prego clothes you buy and expect to wear for 9 months, then your body decides that's not going to happen and you have to buy more! I think I'm just going to buy a cute sheet and cut a hole in it for my head and wear that from now on. Maybe I could accessorize with a cute belt.

3D baby photos

Today was our 20-week ultrasound. We have our visits at the hospital in town that uses new 3D technology for ultra-detailed ultrasound photos. Everything looks good -- we've got a 4-chamber heart and all the bits and pieces look to be in place. The Dr. said they cannot rule out all potential problems - but from what they saw today everything looks good. Jason and I were so relieved! No, we didn't find out the sex. Jason thinks he saw a little pedaddler, but you never know. I had a girl dream about 2 weeks ago, so it could go either way. Guess we'll find out in February!
Jason got a little misty-eyed while he watched our little one moving around on the screen. We saw the legs crunch up and extend out again, saw arms and the head moving and the mouth opening and closing. It was SOO cool!
We even got a CD of photos from our visit. I'll post one if I can figure it out.
I'm so excited to meet this little person.

Pants held together by a rubberband

So I'm officially out of most of my "pre prego" clothes. I'm excited about baby getting bigger and maybe getting to feel it move around a bit more, but I'm not excited about this in-between stage. You know, the one where everyone just thinks you've made too many trips to DQ and are getting fat. I have a dr. appt tomorrow morning so it will be interesting to see how much weight I've put on since my last visit. Up until 2 weeks ago, I had only tried on maternity pants with curiosity... now it's a reality. Today I wore normal jeans. I could button them, but it would have been no fun trying to sit in those pants. So I kept them unbuttoned and wound a hair binder through the buttonhole and attached to the button on both sides. I'm surprised the thing held so well. I don't think I'll be doing that again though.
This means I've only officially got about 4 pair of pants I can wear. This is unacceptable. Not to mention I can't get maternity clothes at most of my favorite stores. I am forced to shop off four racks at every store that actually carries maternity clothes. Otherwise I get potentially screwed over by the Motherhood maternity store in the mall. They actually make you initial the receipt saying you understand their stupid return policy. All clearance sales are final. Absolutely no exchanges or returns on regularly priced items after10 days. Guess I'd rather scrounge the pathetic maternity selections at stores with a more lenient return policy. Regardless, they don't carry Gap maternity pants there either. It's going to cost me a fortune to get a nice maternity wardrobe. No wonder that most of the maternity clothes I've been offered (and I'm very very appreciative of) look like they've been worn to death! We can't afford to look cute all 9 months. Good thing we've gone casual at our new offices... I could buy comfy clothes to wear. Even so, I hate that 1/2 of my closet is now off limits. Welcome to the awkward in-between stage. Can't wait until I visibly look pregnant to others. Meantime, I'm going to have to order some more mommy clothes online!

Funny things

OK, so I've been encouraged to have a pregnancy journal -- because someday my little person will want to know about how Daddy bought an expensive piece of artwork off a wall at a restaurant where he and some fishing buddies had stopped for a "fish boil." He says he bought it for the bean (baby) and that bean might really like it and since neither of us have met bean yet, how was I to argue. After I was mean about it (hey you're on a fishing trip, stick to fishing and not art shopping for a baby room!) I saw the painting and it's really quite lovely. You wouldn't blame me for being an art psycho after two other lovely pieces of art that my dear hubby has brought home. ONe is the Preening Egret, which he bid on at a local Gander Mtn store. He did not win the bid, but the guy from wildlife unlimited or something like that, called my hubby and said that he didn't win the bid, but they couldn't get any of the other winning bidders to come forward and actually pay for the hideous painting, so he asked that we come up with $270 for the thing. He ASSURED us it would be a tax deduction. This March our tax guy said no way. He said "you bought a painting. you can't deduct that." NICE. This thing is now hanging in my bedroom. The other one he brought home is a deer with an extra long hind leg walking through the woods with some colorful bird (pheasant?) on a log in the foreground. I hate that one just as much, so I think it's in the basement somewhere. All that stuff will be going into the eventual family room. Meantime I hope it grows mold and we have to chuck it.
So I was not pleased to hear my hubby had picked out another piece of art... but this one turned out ok. But, he's not allowed to buy anymore art without it being a joint decision.

A few weeks ago the neighbor girls, M & A came over in the evening to roast marshmallows over our nearly-spent coals in the grill. M asked if I could have my baby tomorrow. (wasn't even showing then.) I explained that we would have to wait until on or about February 9th. I said the baby might come early or it might come late. Little A chimed in with, "Or it might come in the afternoon!" Seems logical. I love that she said that. It was really cute.

I think I'm going to have to start some kind of fitness regimen. I mean I walk at lunchtime 3+ days a week, but I feel like I've lost all endurance. I can barely make it the 1/2 block up to my parking spot without getting a teeny bit winded. That's not like me. I'm no super fitness freak, but I at least had the endurance to tackle a 1/2 block hill. I'm going to go back to yoga on wednesday evening. Should be interesting... you know pregnant ladies are often gassy and I'm afraid my butt in the air could be dangerous to others in the class. I guess we'll wait and see.

Funny

Tonight I saw the movie Wedding Crashers with my dear hubby. I haven't heard him laugh that hard at a movie in a very long time. I laughed so hard at one point I thought I was going to snort! I recommend it for sure. We decided to hit the air-conditioned theatres because it's so freaking hot here in Duluth. He's so sweet, now we're home in our super hot house and he got the fan to have it blowing right at me. What a nice guy. :) Oh, and I think it's cute because he thinks I'm writing on a blob.

My family is nuts

Ok, who's family isn't nutso? But honestly. I thought I could go completely out of my freaking mind this weekend! I drove to see dear sister and her hubby to be in Wisconsin. My parents also went there for the weekend. We ladies engaged in some serious retail therapy all day Saturday and were supposed to end the evening by addressing sister's wedding invitations. I really only went to visit for the weekend because I was asked to help with these invites - not to shop. Although it was nice to try on maternity clothes at some bigger stores. So we finally get to the invitations... it's close to midnight on Saturday and there's HALF AN ADDRESS LIST!!! OMG! I know that my dear sister isn't always super organized but I guess if I had my family coming to stay the weekend from 2+ hours away I would have my shit together. Grr! So we're all tired and bitchy and crabby and then we can't even get the project done that was supposed to get done! There was one list typed up with several spelling errors and inaccuracies and bits missing, then there's the faxed handwritten list that we couldn't read. I asked her why she didn't have it all together and it was, "I just whipped this together." I said, you don't ***WHIP*** together a wedding address list. Honestly, I only got married once, too, and somehow I managed to have the list on one document. On top of it I didn't sleep well both nights I was there and my mother brought up that I don't tan and am ULTRA white and other assorted comments that weren't super nice (some having to do with calorie intake - which is NOT excessive). I'm pretty much over the fact that I don't tan. I don't try to, so I'm never really surprised when it's brought up, although she acted like today was the first day that she's ever seen my white legs in shorts.
This poor kid. It's already part of a dysfunctional family. I wish I could change some things, but that ship has already sailed.

Heartbeat

Hi all. This is my attempt at a blog.
Just a place to record my crazy life...
The newest development is that my husband and I are expecting our first little one around Feb 9, 2006. Today we had our second dr appt and it was so awesome. We got to hear little "baby bean's" heartbeat.
I'm not normally a cryer. But the second I heard that WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH noise, I just dialed up the waterworks. It was uncontrollable. The dr was sympathetic and said that I may start to notice that I have a hard time controlling my emotions. I'm ok being a blubbering fool at something so spectacular... even if it takes me by surprise.